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Click on the links below to view excerpts from my novels, short stories and poems. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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CONTINENTAL TILT
available at Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com An excerpt: "Okay, all vampires over here. Werewolves on the south side of the mausoleum. Frankensteins the north side. Charlie Mansons there, Marilyn Mansons over there." What was I saying? "What the hell's the difference?" Mari said. I shouted through a bullhorn. This was the new, kinder and gentler LAPD, but sometimes you still gotta use a bullhorn. "People dressed up as Kiss by the pavilion." "What about Transitive Vampires?" a voice came out of the blue. "Transvestite vampires?" "Trans-i-tive Vampire don't you know anything?" "I don't get it. What the hell are you dressed up as?" "A dangling participle," the trans-whatever vampire sneered. His disdainful tone said he thought he was a notch above the other vampires. As opposed to the normal vampires he wore all white, top hat, tails and cape. I was going snow-blind looking at him. "Something's dangling. I'm not sure if it's your, uh, participle," Mari said. "I really should be dressed as a verb. Transitives are verbs, but then I'd need a direct object, you know." I didn't know. I didn't think I cared. But in ferreting out a case you have to have all the information. Okay, he was a dangling participle but he should have been a verb. "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself? What are you doing here?" "I came to watch the movies, of course." "You like to watch movies in a graveyard?" "It sort of sets the mood, don't you think?" "Did you see anything?" "You mean like the deceased becoming deceased?" "Yeah, like that." "Certainly not. I was watching the film." "Film, they all call it film. When did movies become film...or cin-e-mah?" Mari said. "What do you do for a living, besides sucking blood, of course?" "Are you implying I'm the killer?" "No, just a bloodsucker." "I'm a writer. Agents are the real bloodsuckers." "What do you write?" "Novels." "Have I read any of them?" "Can you read?" I stepped between him and Mari and turned him over to a D-I to get his stats. "You still haven't told me where to go, Detective," he called to me, probably 'cause he knew I had weight. I was sorry we were still in earshot. "I'd like to tell you where to go" Mari said. The transitive vampire stared at Mari. "You, dear lady, are an indefinite pronoun." "Did he just insult me?" Mari glared. "Just go with the other vampires," I said, stepping in front of her. I didn't want her to tarnish the rep of the kindergentlerLAPD. "Good Lord, don't you know I'm not like the other vampires. I'm a transitive vampire." "Aren't all vampires from Transylvania?" I said. "It's trans-i-tive, not Tran-syl-vania," he said. "Don't you people know the difference?" "Fine, find all the other transitive vampires and start your own group." It was going to be a long night. |
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POISON HEART appears in the Deadly Ink 2010 Short Story Collection (available from amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com) An excerpt: Sally, the youngish waitress, an import with her Ohio twang and wholesome Midwestern prettiness, came up to him. "The usual?" she, asked. He nodded, thinking as he always did, that no one was named Sally anymore. He pulled some proofs of the model-victim from tonight's shoot out of his backpack, spread them on the table. All in black and white. "What is it with you and black and white pictures?" Sally asked, setting his
coffee near him. "I don't know why I never asked before, but" "The world isn't real unless it's in black and white." "I don't know. I like color myself. It's more cheery." "Think about it. JFK was killed in black and white." He knew the Zapruder film was in color, but that didn't matter to him. The color was so washed out it might as well have been black and white and, besides, everyone had watched it on black and white TVs at the time, hadn't they? "Lucky Luciano went up the river to Sing Sing in black and white. World War II was in black and white and if you've ever seen color pictures of it you'll know what I'm talking about. Color is fantasy. Black and white is real." He sipped his coffee, then went on, "The New Jersey of my youth was in black and white. It's more dramatic. Watching old films of the Hindenburg and the Lindberg kidnapping trial on TV never in color, always in black and white." "I don't know, when I'm surfing channels and I come to something in black and white I usually just skip over it." Sally may have been an out of favor name, but she was a typical twenty-something with her short blonde hair, highly varnished lip gloss and total lack of interest in anything that happened before she was born. He wondered if she even knew who JFK was. Somebody got her attention. She left Winger to his black and white world, came back a few minutes later with his crab cake sandwich.
"Do you ever sell any of those?" She tapped her fingers on the photos.
He dodged her question. "Did you know that some aboriginal cultures won't let
you take their picture?" "Why not?" "They think it steals their soul." All material is copyrighted | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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STEPHEN COLBERT'S AMERICONE NIGHTMARE (appears in the Spring 2009 issue of Mysterical-E www.mystericale.com) An excerpt from deep in the heart of the story, told by the man himself, Monsieur Colbert: I feel myself hanging by a noose of the finest hemp. I head off. Down the hall. But I don't go to my office. I scan the main exit. Blocked by cops. I hustle off. Rear exit. Blocked. All exits blocked. I need a place to hide. To think. The plot of my noir nightmare thickens, like bad roux. I'm in a dark corner, with tentacles reaching for me from out of the past, my indemnity doubles, the postman knocks or is he ringing and was that the bell we heard earlier? and the big clock ticks down. As long as I don't face the big sleep I'm okay. Still, the walls close in on me. And that's not the kind of diet I want to be on. If I was O'Malley I could just turn another page maybe and it would be over. But I'm not, I'm flesh and blood. If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh? If you poison me, will I not oh, mommy, I don't wanna die! Did Shakespeare say that last part? I'm not sure. But I digress again. And finally, if you wrong me, shall I not revenge? * * *Yes. Revenge! The dish best served cold, though I'm not sure why and you sure as hell don't want the health department after you. But I am innocent! And it appears the clues are leading to me. I own a Monaco Blue Metallic Beamer with 6-speed Steptronic. I'm being framed! All material is copyrighted | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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FREE FALL
![]() appears in the August 2008 An excerpt: The rush of free falling is like no other. Mountain climbing, SCUBA diving, racing a car at a hundred and fifty miles an hour. In free falling the world speeds by at 130 miles per hour. Jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet, the first second you're falling at 32 feet per second, the next you're falling at 64 feet per second, third second 128 feet per second and so on until you hit terminal velocity. You'd think the world would be a blur. It isn't. And just as in your dreams of flying you experience a peaceful, almost serene feeling. But does the same hold true for jumping off a thirteen story building? I don't think I'll be around to find out. Oh yeah, the rush of free falling is like no other. But it helps if you have a parachute. All material is copyrighted | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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